Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
