Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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