i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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