She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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