thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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