ya dads aren't the best wingmen
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
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