Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
