i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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