The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
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You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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