I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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