All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
