Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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