I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
