imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I think my moral compass just broke
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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