i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
