Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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