a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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