I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
