we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
