A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
