so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
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yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
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We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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