Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
