Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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