smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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