They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
