and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
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