oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
