You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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