Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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