on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
