Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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