So drunk its hurt
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Dignity is for republicans.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
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Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
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It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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