shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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