I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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