go do what you do best...puke behind churches
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
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The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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