She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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