just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
