I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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