I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Boobs are out for the taking
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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