Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
