come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize