Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
