Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
