My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
