you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
If I die, sorry about rent.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
