I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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