remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
