i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
