i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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