day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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