SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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