You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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