i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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