We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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