so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
