So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
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