I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize