I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize