You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
