And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
