Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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