Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
