Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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